You must know that whenever you are calling in something new, something old must leave to make space. We don’t think about that when we are in the throes of our dream rapture, our night and day obsession about this thing we want to see/do/touch/have. We learn this once the process has been set in place and we watch things leaving our life. Sometimes these are things we are ready to let go. Sometimes these are things we didn’t realize were holding on to. Sometimes these are things we love and are not ready to let go of. Sometimes these are things, people, situations, energies, beliefs that cannot continue with us on the journey. All of these things we must let go of. That is almost always, at best, a bittersweet process.
So, I had this dream of going to Israel to meet this musician who was a great inspiration to me, but I also had the reality of my current life. I was teaching 4th grade at the best school in my city, with a contract and guarantee of employment. I had a lovely apartment in a neighborhood I loved with neighbors that I really enjoyed. I had comfort and stability. And I had Megy, the beagle.
Megy was the closest thing I had to family in Brazil. She was my “road dog”. I went EVERYWHERE with Megy and if she couldn’t come, sometimes I wouldn’t go either. If you know beagles, you know that Megy was a character. Charles Schultz’ snoopy, I am sure was modeled after a real dog who’s personality and inner dialogue was much like the comic strip character. Megy had personality and was better known in the neighborhood than myself, a voracious/obsessive eater and my longest adult relationship ;-) I say that because I had Megy for 9 years. During those years she was with me through sickness and health, good times and bad, a move to the US and then back to Brazil, various homes of our own and of gracious friends who allowed us to stay. She saw me at my best and at my worst. She sometimes brought out my best or my worst. She taught me to take care of myself so that I could take care of her. She taught me what it looks like to know you’re worthy of love just because. And she taught me about unconditional love, over and over again. It takes work to raise and care for a dog, but Megy was undoubtedly the best part of my life for the years I had her, and she was my closest friend.
Now Megy was an “old girl” at 14. She’d probably not survive a trip to the US let alone the stress of going all the way to Israel. So, I just put the thought of traveling in the back of my mind. All the while the dream was churning away, moving heaven and earth to come into creation, I knew I couldn't travel while Megy was alive. And I was not ready to let her go. My trip could wait. The dream could wait.
Sometimes you get your way. And sometimes Life says, "I have a better way," though it’s a way you’d never choose. So, life does the dirty work and takes the blame. Megy was sleeping a lot, but I assumed that was because she was old and I didn’t think too much about it. Then she didn’t want or couldn’t go for long walks like we used to. She’d get tired or just start walking slow- quite unlike the beagle hunter who for years walked fast kilometers by my side. Within a few weeks, I knew that something was wrong with my girl, but a trucker’s strike had paralyzed Brazil and I couldn’t get her to the vet until her breathing had become quite labored and she could only walk few, slow steps. It was her heart. Without an x-ray, there was no way to know what was really happening. This was Friday afternoon. We scheduled the appointment for Monday. The vet advised me to keep her calm, avoid exertion. We didn’t want her heart to give out. I took my girl in my arms, carried her home and we settled in, my heart praying her heart would keep beating through the weekend….